it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize