Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
