i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
