So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
