On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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