ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
then he tried to convert me to islam
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
