so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I know her cup size but not her name....
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
