I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
