I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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