Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
