Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
