Are we in a gay sports bar?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This is classic penis vs brain.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
