A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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