Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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