guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just cropdusted the office
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
