chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's shark week go big or go home
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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