She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize