Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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