They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
How external is "for external use only"?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
