Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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