i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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