Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
