Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
