i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
