The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
