fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
