you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sober January is a disaster.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
