Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize