I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
