the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize