11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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