My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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