You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
