I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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