my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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