I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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