I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think your dad took our porno
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
