i permit you to call me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
