Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
