Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
