When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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