Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
