is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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