I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
