I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
