just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im holly from the hills drunk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
