if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
