it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
