porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
