making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
