i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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