Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
