32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize