Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
