Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
