imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
