Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
