hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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