I wannas sexs uuuuu
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
