dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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