apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
