he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
