Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
