So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
